


Transference

by FrivolousSuits



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Emotionally Repressed, F/M, M/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Post-Episode: s07e01 Skin in the Game, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-12-03 05:12:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11525253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrivolousSuits/pseuds/FrivolousSuits
Summary: Paula’s right— Harvey is transferring to her the love that he feels for someone else.It takes him far too long to realize who the “someone else” is.





	Transference

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know all that much about psychology, so take this with a grain of salt.

As soon as Harvey comes back to Paula, he finds himself holding his head higher, smiling more freely.

“I feel like we’re inevitable,” he whispers as he unzips her dress.

“How so?” she asks. Her voice hitches as he pulls down the top and presses kisses to her bare skin.

“Every time I leave, or you leave, it’s never for good. We always know we’ll end up back together.“

“I don’t claim to know any such thing.”

With a hand on her shoulder, he spins her around and then pulls her flush against him and leans in for a kiss, grinning as he looks at her— her slightly lopsided smile, her blonde hair, her sea-blue eyes. “Oh, you know it.”

* * *

"Insatiable.” That’s what she calls him after their first night together stretches past dawn, but there’s no bite to the word, only tender amusement.

Indeed, every time they finish he’s already thinking of the next time, wanting more of her skin, more of her lips on his—

He always wants more.

* * *

 As always, all hell breaks loose at work, and Harvey finds himself explaining the latest lawsuit to her over dinner.

“Wait a moment,” she interrupts, “what’s the point of a ‘Markman hearing’?”

“Sorry, I keep forgetting that you don’t actually know anything.”

She blinks, and he amends the statement, “About law, I mean.”

Paula raises her eyebrows.

“Sorry,” he says again. “I don’t know why I said that.”

“Well,” she replies after a few moments, “I’m the first to admit that law’s not my field of expertise.”

“Right … right. Well, the short version is that Louis recommends I listen to the client and follow the advice of the galactically stupid.”

She bursts out laughing.

“You got that reference?”

“ _A Few Good Men_?” she says. “Of course I got that. It’s a classic.”

And he beams at her, and drinks in the mischievous glint in her blue eyes, and his heart twinges with something he might just call love.

* * *

Harvey Specter rarely gives conscious thought to the way he speaks— a master negotiator, he tailors his speech to his particular audience on instinct. Still, he finds himself backtracking, rephrasing, inserting awkward explanations whenever he talks to Paula about work, because he constantly, baselessly assumes that she is familiar with legal minutiae.

“Harvey,” she asks after his second such stumble in one night, “could you more fully explain what the difference is between ‘recklessness’ and ‘negligence’?”

He stops short, then gives a chuckle. “Oh, right, I suppose that’s not really common knowledge. To prove ‘recklessness,’ you have to show that an agent was aware of the risk involved in their actions, whereas negligence just requires that they _should_ have known.”

“Ah, I see.” She looks away from him, contemplating, and he has a feeling that she’s not just thinking about his case.

“What is it?”

“I can’t help wondering why you thought I knew that.”

“Because you’ve got experience as an expert witness,” he smoothly replies. “I figured you’ve heard the words used in cases.”

She tilts her head, frowning slightly. “Now that I think of it, I have heard those terms on occasion. But I wonder why in the past week you’ve also presumed I know the standard mechanisms for preventing class certification, and the difference between crossclaims and counterclaims, and the statute of limitations for possession of a forged document in New Jersey.”

Harvey narrows his eyes. “What are you getting at?”

“I can’t help thinking of what I said on our first date.”

“Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding—”

“I think—” she cuts in, speaking over him— “ that you are treating me like I’m Donna.”

“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard all day, and Louis gave me a lecture this morning on the presence of volcanic ash in high-end mud.”

“I’m sure you know on a conscious level that I’m not her, but the way you act around me—”

“Hey, I wouldn’t expect Donna to know half the stuff you just listed either.”

“I still really think this is transference.”

“Great. Instead of believing a thing I say, you’re going all therapist on me.”

“And I think that’s only fair, since you’ve been lawyering me since the moment you pulled out the APA rules.”

“Listen to me, goddammit,” he huffs. “I know how I feel about Donna, and this isn’t it!”

“Why are you raising your voice?”

“Why are you convinced I can’t really like _you_? You have some self-esteem issues you wanna tell me about?”

“None I want to tell you about, no. And you can’t have a judge compel me to talk.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“I mean this is like another deposition, right here. You’re twisting the facts, and you’re asking skewed questions, and it’s all because you know that you have to make a shaky case and prove a point that’s not real.”

"So what,” he snaps, “you don’t believe I’m not in love with Donna?”

“I think it’s possible you’re not in love with her, but not likely. We both provide you with emotional support, we both give you advice, I look something like her—”

“You’re blonde, for God's sake.”

“Oh, I should have known physical appearances can be entirely reduced to hair color.”

Harvey sighs, rubbing his temples. “What do I have to do prove to you I’m not secretly in love with Donna?”

Paula takes a moment before answering. “I’m going to ask you some questions, and you will tell me the truth— the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.”

He gives her a look.

“What, now I’m not allowed to know legal jargon?”

“Never mind, just ask your questions.”

“First off, can you think of any reason why you and Donna can’t be together? Any reason that would compel you to transfer your feelings to a more accessible target?”

“No, besides that I don’t want her that way and I don’t think she wants me either.”

“No other reasons? Not even the fact that your subconscious has previously transferred your hostile feelings towards your mother to her?”

“You’re right, the incestuous implications are also another great reason why I’m not interested in Donna.”

“Transference isn’t always quite that simple. You could be projecting only your specific fear of being deceived or cheated on onto Donna.”

“And Louis could make it through all of tomorrow without opening us up to a malpractice suit, but I’m not betting on it,” he retorts.

“All right,” she says, subsiding momentarily.

He recognizes her pause as an attempt to find a new opening— it’s no surrender. He saw the same, calculating look on her face when he was her client, and on plenty of litigators’ faces besides.

Indeed, when she speaks again she’s chosen a new line of questioning. “Tell me, what do you like about me?”

“Are you fishing for compliments?”

“Are you deflecting?”

He represses the urge to roll his eyes. “You’re brilliant, one of the best in an intellectually challenging field. You know— not everything, but a hell of a lot.”

“What else?”

“You’re sensitive to people’s emotions. That’s a dangerous trait sometimes, but it has its uses.”

“I agree. What else?”

“We work well together. You’re not afraid to challenge me.”

“And call you out on your lies.”

“You think I’m lying now?”

“Not on purpose, but you must admit that all your answers thus far could be describing Donna.”

This time, he does roll his eyes. “Any other questions?”

“What do you like about our dynamic?”

“It feels … natural.”

“Familiar?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“But now you’re thinking it. What else?”

“You already know about everything my mother pulled. You understand where I’m coming from in a way that very few other people do.”

“So this feels safe to you?”

“Sure, it feels safe, but I also can’t ignore the fact that, regardless of what the APA says, we shouldn’t be having this relationship.”

“So, what, there’s also the excitement of danger?”

“Yeah, this whole relationship’s built on one incredibly ethically questionable decision—”

“Harvey?”

His eyes widen as old memories flood his mind, as the riptide seizes him. His panic attacks worsened when Mike proposed to Rachel, and when he thought Mike would leave the firm for Robert Zane’s. He began dreaming of Paula in earnest the very night that Mike came back to the firm, took over his old office, and agreed to spend all his days so close to Harvey, yet firmly out of his reach.

“Harvey, what did you just realize?”

Harvey’s never admitted any of this to himself, and he knows why.

“What are you thinking about?”

He and Mike will never be together.

“Not Donna,” he murmurs, his voice hoarse.

“Someone else, then?”

He doesn’t answer, just says, “I can’t believe we both read people for a living. How have we not been sued for incompetence?”

He tries and fails to smile.

“Harvey,” she murmurs, placing one hand on his arm, “I think we should stop seeing each other.”

“Agreed.”

“And I’d better give you the name of a new therapist.”

“What’s the point of talking about a problem I can’t fix?”

“It helps, you know it does. And for the record, I apologize for agreeing to try this relationship in the first place. It was reckless and unprofessional of me.”

“Just negligence on my part.”

“Oh?”

“I didn’t know I was transferring repressed feelings, but I should have.”

“Why?”

“It was inevitable.”

**Author's Note:**

> Edited to add: I wrote this well before 7x013, "Inevitable," aired. I am amused by the coincidence.


End file.
